I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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