I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
