i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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