I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
50% drunk capacity currently
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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