none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
