I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
