I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
