I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
