I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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