just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
