it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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