"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
