That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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