ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Sorry about my life...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
