if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My balls are so social today.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize