you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize