I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
