everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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