there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
