If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
