you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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