Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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