i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
