And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
