i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
