I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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