I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
