It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
