Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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