ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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