Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
