I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
