highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
