Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
