Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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