I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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