the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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