I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
