Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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