I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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