I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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