i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
