I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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