dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
