I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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