so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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