i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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