I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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