Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
