you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize