Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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