nut hugger
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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