They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
