You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
