No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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