He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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