i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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