the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
