I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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