Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
