I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
