She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize