He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Your cock deserves a montage
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
