dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
high people should be assigned attendants
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
