I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
