I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You are the jesus of drinking
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
