i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
