I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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