This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
