Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
