i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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